Guys really!!!!  Has no one ever told you how not to behave to attract a woman????

Sometimes you really just make me shake my head in disbelief. And let me be absolutely clear that this behavior is indicative of men world wide and not just reserved for the men that I am encountering here in Botswana. Although the men here, with the exception of a very few who have personally stolen their way into my heart, are the worst at picking up that I have ever seen in my middle aged life!

On a daily basis I encounter various and sundry attempts by men who I think actually believe that they have a change of picking me up. A simple trip across death highway from my apartment to the Game City Mall usually nets me one to five pick up attempts. My mind doesn’t even want to contemplate what they think that they are going to do with me once they have successful lured me in. Although occasionally for a nanosecond as I am lugging incredibly heavy bags of groceries, I luxuriate in the thought of how nice it would be to actually take a pro-offered ride home. Then reality sets in.

While I am an old hat at ignoring come ons there are moments when some unique attempts can’t help but stand out. Last night sparked one those moments and thus this posting.

Yes, I was out dancing again! Having had such a fantastic time at the Calabash night club last Saturday dancing and bootie shaking, my friend Sheila who was not with me insisted on a chance to enjoy as well.  How could I resist?

Once again, I was the first one of the dance floor and within moments, just like last week, I was not alone for long. With the dance floor rapidly filling up I was never at a lost for one or more dance partners. Guys who had been attendance last Saturday night seemed to be thrilled that I had returned for a repeat performance. In fact, I am now positive that several guys actually were convinced that my return was directly a result of my desire to be swept up in their arms.

Although I had done nothing but actually return to the site of one of the best dance floors and DJs in Gaborone, several testosterone filled men sincerely believed they were the reason for my return. Fortunately for me, Sheila and I had not come alone without male accompaniment of our own. Flanked attentively by my Zimbabwean gentlemen, luckily I had nothing to worry about as they allow no guy to get within a foot or closer of me for any length of time unless I signaled that I am okay with it. You have got to love a personal bodyguard detail for which I am continually grateful for. Especially one comprised of such handsome gentlemen who love to dance as much as I do.

However, even thoroughly surrounded by my personal protection detail there were more guys than I can count willing to run the gauntlet and attempt to capture the crazy white woman burning up the dance floor. Frankly, I think that I need to hire a camera crew to actually film one of these evenings because it would make for hilarious reality television. There are those guys who think that they are being cool and simply dance their way into our dance group.

They come in with their cool moves (which sometimes aren’t nearly so cool as I am sure they believe in their minds). These guys often have staying power, hanging in there dancing in a way that can only be viewed as a male bird preening to attract the attention of the mate they have set their eye on. They continue to dance tenaciously on in the periphery of our group hoping to attract my attention. I have to admit that I admire their determination at times. In fact, these guys are not that bad except that some just go a little too overboard if they actually get a chance to dance with me. Let’s just say that personal space gets totally invaded and dance moves go from good to down right disgusting. Fortunately my dancing protection detail are never far away and always attentive so I am always safe from unwanted groping.

Ah, but the worst and therefore most hilarious pick up attempts are made by those who aren’t even dancing. These guys simply come straight onto the dance floor (you got to admire their determination) as I never leave it. They wade through the dancing throngs, come and simply plant themselves directly in front of me, which I have to admit is not an easy task for when I am dancing it is nonstop movement and I don’t stick to one tiny spot on a dance floor. These guys crack me up because they actually think that by simply bringing themselves to my attention by appearing before me that I am going to fall at their feet swept up in their magnificent maleness. Last night I was actually presented with a trio of three men at once attempting this maneuver. They appeared to be friends and I am not sure if they intended to share me or would have competed individually for my undivided attention should I decide to bestow it. In fact, my mind is still trying to figure out exactly what they hoped to achieve by presenting themselves to me in a non-dancing trio on the dance floor.

Guys, are there not some tips out there that you could read up on? Are you completely oblivious to what attracts a woman? Do you actually think that you are such a spectacular specimen of maleness that  a woman simply can’t resist you if she lays eyes on you? All I can say is that thanks to my higher standards and a wonderful protection detail I am in absolutely no danger of being swept off my feet and carried off into the sunset even if I was seeking some romance. But I am seriously considering a new business venture “Charm School” and lessons in successfully asking a girl out! It could be huge money making venture as it is sadly needed in this marketplace.


5 thoughts on “The Art of Not Picking Up

  1. I think its funny when a woman show up to a dance floor for the purpose to dance. I generally don’t approach women when they are dancing or shopping or working out… Wait so when should I approach a woman? When should I put it all on the line an risk rejection an ego reduction? Oh I know I can approach a woman a about a 90 degree angle, never from behind an never think about the approach for more than 3 seconds. I can ask her a simple question that she can’t say yes or no to. I can build in a time limit so that she is disarmed knowing I wont be there all day. I will at all times leave my shoulder an body pointing away from her as if I will leave at any moment. I will likely give her a compliment followed by a playful negative word or two. An then well then I will leave…

    1. Mastermike,

      I guess that I am a rare creature because I both believe in equal opportunity and being on a dance floor to dance. It sounds like you have this pick up thing all figured out…perhaps you would like to provide a master class if I open up a charm school?

      1. I actually read a book an tried it as I went along. Each step has a purpose an makes picking up women more of a science. In the end it’s mostly to save women from themselves an their walls an defenses used to weed out the contenders.

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