Identity crisis

Recently I have had experiences that have made me not only laugh, but to seriously consider who “Cheryl” really is.

When you take a journey like mine, you do so because you not only love the sense of adventure that moving to a new country and cultures brings; but also how you will grow and evolve in response to it.

August marks my 11th month of my  migration from Canada to living in Botswana and the Southern Africa region. It is amazing how time has flown by. I like to think that it has because I have adapted to my new life rather easily yet every day brings some new adventure, either large or small. And I rush head long into each and every one of them with far more enthusiasm than most people who I know. While I am always a willing participant in my adventures, I sometimes feel very sorry for those who have chosen to befriend me or sometimes are just unfortunate enough to be within my vicinity.

I am truly blessed because I have made such amazing friends here. In fact, not to gloat but I seem to have as my best friend Noelle puts it ” a horseshoe up my arse” at times. Throughout my life and nomadic tendencies to move frequently, I have always been able to establish wonderful friendships and support systems no matter where I end up. Here in Botswana has been no different. I have the most amazing network of friends that a person could possible want. What I give them in return seems to be a constant source of amusement. 

Sheila & I
Sheila & I during a dance date

A couple of weeks ago one of my dearest friends here, Sheila actually had the misfortune of riding in a combi with me. It might seem funny that we haven’t crossed this friendship mile stone before but with the amazing services of Buche and Tshepo who fearlessly deliver us to almost all of our social engagements we have never traveled any where together via combi. While a combi is ideal mode of transportation during the day time and when you are taking a fairly direct route, it is far safer and easier for us to travel by taxi when going out in the evenings.

Yet a couple of weeks ago we were unexpectedly together late afternoon and needing to get the bus rank…my favorite insane place in Gabs. So into a combi we got. Luckily it wasn’t jammed packed as yet and we were able to sit together on the very rear seat. For me it was nice for a change to have the company of someone I like sitting next to so I was happy to sit and chat during the journey. Not experiencing anything unusual I proceeded as normal…..forgetting that what is my normal is not necessarily Sheila’s.

As a bubbly friendly white woman living in a country where she is definitely a minority, I simply am so use to being stared at, laughed at or with & occasionally (okay not so occasionally) harassed that I no longer notice. While Sheila has experienced some of the unsolicited attention that I receive it has usually been in an evening setting where male attention to females is expected. What she had never really experienced is how I interact with the populous of Botswana on a daily level. It seems that it was an eye opening experience for her. Having people stare and listen to every word you speak was a new experience for her.

Upon exiting the combi at the bus rank we moved through the swirling throng of movement that is the bus rank in pursuit of our destination. While we were walking side by side, I was the continual object of considerable attention…some pleasant, some not. I simply did what I always do, take it in stride literally with mostly a smile on my face. But a defining moment came when a guy kept calling out “English” to me and once he had my attention asked me where I was going? I just smiled and kept walking.

Sheila, on the other hand, put her hand on my arm, stopped me and said (I quote) “I forget that you are white!” However the experience of riding in a combi with me and then walking through the crowd finally brought home the fact that yes, we are very different. I am happy to say that this experience didn’t jeopardize our friendship but in fact made it stronger. She now understands that being in my shoes takes lots of patience and good humor at times to navigate in the real life world of Gabs and Africa in general. A fact that I rarely think about.

To be honest with you, I am surprised that she is willing to continue to accompany me places! That is true friendship. But it was a good reminder for me that although I feel like I fit in very well here, I am truly different from just about everyone that I encounter. While you can learn new cultures and perspectives, race you can never change and because of that you will always be perceived by most according to your visible race which you wear on your skin. Only when you are truly lucky will you find people who see not your skin color but who you truly are.

As I explained to Sheila during our discussion later on that day about our experience, I came to Africa partly so that I was in the social position of being a minority in a race and culture completely different from my own. Living in Canada where multiculturalism is synonymous with saying you are a Canadian, it is important for me to never forget that there are many people throughout the world who have limited access to resources, livelihood and many other things based simply on their race. I never want to take that for granted, nor practice a prejudicial attitude that inflicts it on anyone else.

 

11 months into my experience I can happily say that I truly have experienced acceptance for who I am almost everywhere that I have ventured. Yet, I have learned incredibly valuable lessons about social, cultural and race issues that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Oddly enough my worst experiences here in Gabs have been with fellow Canadians.

And oh, by the way, my friend Sheila can’t wait to travel an even greater distance on public transportation with me….it seems she enjoys the challenges and hilarity that travelling with me always seems to bring.

The power of girls

I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the World for many different reasons but today I only want to focus on one!  The amazing women in my life!

I am not sure how I am so blessed in the girlfriend department. In fact most of my life I have had far more male friends than female. I guess that was a factor of being first a tomboy and then working in the political/legislative realm for so long. Yet today I have a plethora of female friends around the world who are truly amazing and make a huge difference in my life.

This my tribute to my “Sistas” here in Africa. Thanks to many of them although some deserted me and went out of town 😦  I had an absolutely fantastic long weekend, one in which I was really too busy to even write a blog or two 🙂

I have to be careful how I do this as I don’t want to offend any of them as they all hold equal affection in my heart!

Jetske, the esteemed Counsel may have ventured to South Africa for the Easter weekend for a well-deserved break with Peter but she left me with an apartment full of animals to keep my company. The whole lot which occupied my bedroom or kitchen at various times of the weekend. And whenever I dare depart the yard were all waiting faithfully by the gate for my return. In fact, upon my return home Saturday night my late night driver Tshepo, who always pulls into the yard to let me out and watches to ensure I make it to my apartment safely was astonished by the welcoming committee. Normally Dottie, the dog and Gabby, the cat are comfortably asleep when I wander home late on the weekend. Only my night owl/pussy, Cleopatra is usually waiting for my return. Saturday night I had a full greek chorus upon my return.

Without my pool buddy, Jetske I had to find other poolside buddies to hang out with. The weekend started off with poolside time with my friend Erin and a make-shift bikini! Followed by pool time on Saturday with my friends Naki and Moira.  Poor Buche had the misfortune on Saturday of visiting me on my terrace when my girlfriends arrived. I truly felt sorry for the poor man being caught in a gaggle of women. Although with Naki’s arrival he was able to check out the truck in which I have now begun to travel around in the back of through Gaborone. His assessment of both Naki and the truck was that he was satisfied that I was in good hands 🙂

Saturday night was dinner and fun with my friend Agatha and her teenage daughter. Buche dropped me of for my dinner date and Tshepo was ecstatic to get my call for late night pick up. He thought that I had abandoned him this weekend so was happy to come speeding to my pick up.

Sunday was some more time hanging out with girlfriends and drinking tea with Tanyala on the back stoep before she & I  attempted to clean up my apartment so it didn’t visibly look like the cat lady had officially taken up residence.

Monday wrapped up with a visit with and dinner out with my friend Nono. Thanks to her nagging about my jeans being two sizes too big for me I had gone to the Levi store last week and bought a pair of kick-ass jeans! I couldn’t wait to show them off to her and now I know that I am officially ready for Friday night’s big event of dancing at Botswanacraft to the sounds of Freshly Ground. Nono has assured me that I am likely to have a dearth of male attention wearing my sexy new jeans!

While I truly miss my many girlfriends back in Canada, I am incredibly blessed with the new girlfriends that have come into my life since arriving in Gaborone. Jetske, Erin, Sheila, Nono, Naki, Agatha, Moira….the list is really too long to complete and I am afraid to leave someone out. Thank you to each and everyone of you! You  have made Gaborone very special for me including teaching me a new way to celebrate Halloween, dancing in the rain in a parking lot, riding around in the back of the “Bucket”, grilling want to be suitors and most importantly, laughing with me almost each and every day! And I have plans for even more fun, just you wait 🙂